I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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