I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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