So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Randomize
