hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
false alarm, still single
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
