we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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