put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
