so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
