Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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