Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
