Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
You left your phone here
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