i can't believe i had my finger in that
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
