apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize