I'm jealous of your bromance
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
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