I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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