i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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