fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
