evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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