if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
