I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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