Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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