During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
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