she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
