Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
