Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
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If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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