Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
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