I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
