I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I love having hate sex.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Randomize
