Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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