Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Randomize
