dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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