Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
