well I can't set my house on fire every night
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
home. puking in laundry basket.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
