Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
