I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
