I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
