i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
