fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Randomize
