my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
