allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
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