Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Randomize
