and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I have aggressive nipples.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
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