You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
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