i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
