Heybabeimwearingurpanties
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
