So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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