no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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