We won't sleep together?
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
