Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
