Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
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