I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
