Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
