she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
