Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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