Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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