at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
