I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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