i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
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