is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
