He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
