is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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