Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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