do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Randomize
