Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
