she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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