okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
